my journey. 10 years and counting.
In 2008 I jumped out of the shower, looked at my naked body in the mirror and thought 'how the hell did I get here?' I stood there staring at this person I no longer recognised. Who was she and where did Julia go? Had I really allowed that ex boyfriend to creep into my mind so far that I'd let my food become my new boyfriend, the very food that the ex used to emotionally torment about had turned me into a balloon animal version of myself. I was trying to find clothes, rather sacks of material, to hide my body instead of being proud of it. Bare butt naked I made a choice to change and I showed up for my life. No ex boyfriend, no food, nobody would make me feel less. I crushed goals like never before, I found the mental toughness I didn't have before. I discovered that 'being anyones' and 'please everyone' was a great way to hurt myself, be morbidly unhappy and fail where I wanted to succeed. So I pushed the envelope and I've ben doing it since. My body showcases the change I've had over time but my success screams mindset queen.
the clothing hid a multitude of feelings
In 2009 I went to a country ball in Charleville, Queensland (as shown on the left) an easy size 16, pulled together tight by a corset. The only thing I liked about my dress was how 'the girls' sat. It was tight, uncomfortable and nothing compared to the far riskier, stunning dresses other ladies were wearing. The dress I wore was stunning, previously purchased for my role as maid of honour for my sister's wedding but it didn't matter how much it cost or how beautiful it was on its own, I didn't feel as sexily confident as I wanted to. Looking at these photos I remember still having a good time but also being very insecure, looking at other women for the night and thinking 'I want to look and feel like that now'. I had the arm pose out because I knew it would make my arms look thinner not because I felt good.
The photo on the right is me in London at 30 years of age for Halloween. I am literally in the best shape of my life, wearing a Bridget Jones bunny costume, something I had only dreamt of wearing. The night was all of about 1 degree but for me it didn't matter because wearing an outfit like this meant celebrating a tonne of effort, an incredibly strong mindset and a rocking body. I'd never been out in an outfit like this before so I was a little worried about how it would be received but people knew I wasn't wearing it for attention but rather because I felt so good. I had so many people telling me that they admired my dedication (and my butt and legs) and that they loved how much I was owning my body. To me that was a winning moment- I was never someone who wanted to do anything for attention, I liked getting attention for the right reasons and my dedication to health and fitness got me there. For the record it's also damn freaking sweet that at 32 I still rock this outfit and that I'm actually posing because I know I deserve the attention as opposed to feeling highly insecure. Best feeling ever.