Where do confidence issues come from?

Most of us have the goal to be completely confident with who we are, to be happy and healthy but somewhere along the way we get stuck. So where do these confidence issues come from? Today I explain the core issues individuals face on a daily basis while trying to become their most confident selves.

·         Childhood programming

When we were children we were told that we couldn’t be a certain way eg: confident, proud of yourself, outspoken, judgemental or critical of people older than us, masculine if we are female, feminine if we are male, the list goes on. This childhood programming goes on for at least 18 years of our life, that’s 18 years of confidence building or breaking. 18 years (minimum) of being told how to live and as an adult now we get to decide what we believe is right based on our own values. Even if our values are well defined and we know what life looks like for us removing 18 years of programming to step into our most bold self is hard work, it takes a lot of effort and this is why we can often find ourselves stuck. It’s also the number 1 reason why people chase down a coach. This is one area family and friends cannot help you with.

Our childhood programming once unpacked is often very confusing, we learn that we do things for no good reason or simply because we still feel like we have to follow the ‘parent formula’ we were taught as children.

Our childhood programming once unpacked is often very confusing, we learn that we do things for no good reason or simply because we still feel like we have to follow the ‘parent formula’ we were taught as children.


·         Embarrassing/negative experiences

When we have negative or embarrassing experiences we believe in a falsehood that there is a greater likelihood of the same thing happening again and again based on 1 event. When we exaggerate the reality of embarrassing or negative events happening in our lives we stop taking action to avoid a situation that we actually do not know is going to occur or not. We do not move forward, we stand still.


·         Lack of self love

Feeling you aren’t good enough. This comes down to knowing yourself, being comfortable with all of who you are, without this comfortability you’ll never be as confident as you could be. Of all the hurdles this is probably the toughest because it requires deep soul searching and often taking accountability for things you’d rather forget or blame on others.


·         Fears

Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of the unknown- these are 3 of the most common fears people talk about. Fears come about when we do not know for certain what the outcome will be so we let our mind create a situation that doesn’t exist or we blow it out of proportion. To grow in confidence you must work on removing these fears from your life or at the very least reducing them to a level where they match reality.


·         Negative or toxic relationships

People who suppress us, make us believe we are not good enough or that we cannot get any better significantly impact our confidence because they make you question your self worth. Often these people start off by complimenting you and being very supportive so you feel you can trust their judgement, invest time in them, the only problem is not long after they start to change their behaviour. These people act of deep rooted self love issues (at bare minimum), they are not going to help your confidence. Remove yourself from these relationships pronto.


·         Trauma

Trauma has been scientifically proven to alter the pathways in the brain. It often creates a heightened sense of fear or anxiety which prevents you from looking at possibilities instead of the problems. As trauma is multifaceted it takes a commitment to unpacking the pain and emotions attached to the traumatic events to move forward. Believing that you can overcome trauma in 1 hour of help alone is unrealistic and will only lead to increased feelings of hopelessness that is often caused by the trauma in the first place.

As you can see it is easily plausible that any individual on the planet could experience every one of these 5 barriers to confidence building at any stage in their life. Some of these we can work on on our own while others need the support of professionals. One thing is for certain even if you are confident now it is probable not possible that you will encounter an experience or an individual in life that will make you feel less confident. This is why you need to make time for your personal development and mindset work as much (if not more) than you make time for your workouts. Confidence impacts how you interact and experience life on every level, your action holds they keys to enjoyment.

If you feel like any of these barriers are holding you back book a complimentary consultation with me today on the link below.

Julia xo