12 signs you are lacking confidence
Confidence is often mistaken in others especially those who are extroverted or seem to have it ‘all going on’. Often bold confidence is described as something you either have or haven’t got, kind of like the X Factor minus the singing. It is something that draws others to you without any effort on your part, trying to conjure up this kind of confidence is tough if you haven’t done the inner work to love yourself first. So how do you know what to work on so you can get some help breaking through your current confidence level so you attract bigger and better things in your life & feel comfortable where you are at? Here are my top 12 signs you are lacking confidence.
You are insecure. It doesn’t matter if you’ve managed to nab Ryan Reynolds as your partner or whether you’ve got a body, brain or entire being that everyone compliments you about you don’t like yourself or you somehow believe that relationship you have is a fluke and your waiting for your partner to run away.
You are anxious. You are living in the past or the future but certainly not the present. You create situations in your head before they have happened.
You need constant reassurance. Now reassurance of some kind is always important because it provides us with feedback we can use to hep guide our behaviour however constant reassurance feeds back into #1 (insecurity).
You don’t believe you are at fault. Ever. There are times when you literally aren’t at fault but history doesn’t repeat itself for no reason. History is often trying to teach us something. This is possibly one of the hardest lessons for us to learn because it involves really deep soul searching, reflection and personal accountability and let’s be honest feeling guilty for past decisions, actions, behaviours is never the best feeling ever.
You are indecisive. Decisions are something you would like somebody else to take control of because then if something goes wrong it isn’t your responsibility, this isn’t about being irresponsible or immature this is all about self trust. You would rather turn to someone who trusts their decisions than relying on your own abilities.
If the Self Loathing Games existed you would win. Some people think that you talk yourself down because you want attention but this isn’t true, you actually believe what you are saying, after all you can’t tell yourself ‘I can’t do this, I’m not good enough, no one will love me’ over and over again and believe the opposite now can you?
You feel like a misfit and you fixate on it. Confident people are all misfits because guess what- everyone on the planet is a misfit, we were designed to challenge each other, compliment each other where we have weaknesses its why we are the human race, its why we need community, it is never a bad thing. If you lack confidence though you focus on this ‘lack of fitting in’ as opposed to seeing that the beauty is that you stand out. Those that blend in are not seen, heard,, nor are they honestly being themselves. So again ask yourself: is a misfit a bad thing?
You find other people intimidating. In other words you’ve put everyone else on a pedastool and plopped yourself in the pheasant category. Please hear this: people are people. It doesn’t matter how much money, experience, possessions you have, it doesn’t matter whether you are single or not what matters is that people treat others like people. No one is of greater value than anyone else irrespective of whether they’ve won a Noble Peace Prize or worked at their local supermarket. As soon as you place more importance on others than your permit others to treat you as insignificantly as you treat yourself. If you remember nothing else from this blog post please remember this: you set the tone for how others treat you, don’t unintentionally invite disrespectful behaviour because you’ve made another human into a superhero.
You need constant attention. When the attention isn’t on you the fears and worries start to escalate because you believe that its got something to do with what you did or who you are.
You need approval from others. You can make decisions but you want not 1 but 4 or 5 people to approve your choice to follow through. Again this is about self trust and acceptance. It is easier for you to accept your decisions if you know others will accept it, only problem is that doesn’t often happen so you find yourself with lots of unfinished ‘plans’ and ‘goals’.
You often say ‘yes’ when you want to say ‘no’, you very rarely ‘rock the boat’ because its less hassle however you often feel like you are never considered or that you have to do what everyone else wants all the time & its exhausting. All you want is to scream how you actually feel but you are worried that people won’t like you if you do that.
You accept less than you deserve because you believe that you aren’t good enough to ask for more, for better relationships, for more respect at work, for less fees on your bank accounts, for food orders without errors, for accommodation that meets your expectations, for friends who support you when you need it the most.
Did any of these resonate with you? Its worthwhile mentioning that your confidence can ebb and flow throughout life because of the roles, responsibilities, relationships and situations we find ourselves in. You don’t simply improve your confidence and then never have to work on it again, rather when you do the deep work to improve your self love you equip yourself with the tools to know how to deal with a situation where you fall back into these self conscious patterns of behaviour so that you can overcome them quickly and get back to being your best self.
If you have read this and thought ‘wow I’d love to work on #_’ then feel free to book a complimentary session with me so that we can work on changing how you love yourself right now. It doesn’t matter whether you have an intense painful background or whether your the CEO of a major corporation I will be able to help you work through it- we are all people, we all deserve bold confidence to be exactly who we are.
I look forward to meeting you. Have a fabulous week,